Milwaukee Man Can't Find Ideal Caffeine Dose

Accountant Josh Bernstein reported yesterday that he could not reach a comfortable dosage of caffeine. After months of trial and error, he still finds that he is either tired or too jittery. "I'm almost there," he claimed. "I just need a few more days." Colleagues familiar with the matter doubt that he will ever reach his goal. "Yeah I don't know," said intern Chris Maxwell of Harvard University. "They told me I would gain real work experience, but all I've done so far is bring him coffee." Mr. Bernstein's supervisor was asked about Josh's quest. "I don't really know what Josh does in his free time," he said. "He's a mediocre accountant and a boring guy. Not someone you'd want to take out with clients." Josh's other hobbies include watching Game of Thrones and sampling hummus at Whole Foods.